The Gay Vs The Girlfriend: Open Relationship

image courtesy of friendsandlovers.com

I was talking to my Girlfriend today, as usual, when she pointed out a blog where the boyfriend has been fucking around with her girlfriend's knowing and permission. I retorted to her that it is very similar in the gay community of what we usually called the "open relationship", or sometimes, "open marriage". It's not exclusively for the gay community but it's where most common practices are found. Basically, we both have a common ground about this sanctity of a relationship yet, somewhat we have a differing opinion whether it's an agreeable practice.

From the Gay's point of view:

It's absolutely very difficult to find a lasting relationship in the gay community, it's even more so difficult to have a marriage or a civil union relationship. For straight relationships, most often than not, after a few years, the objective of relationship changes into more a family-oriented. The relationship grows from sex for pleasure to sex for having children. Gay relationships do not. It sticks in the sex-for-pleasure phase. So after a while, sex becomes mundane, sporadic, lazy and familiar. It has been taken for granted. An open-relationship becomes an option to "spice" things up. and they conjure up an excuse, called, the "emotional fidelity".

"Emotional fidelity" is where you stay emotionally faithful yet allowed to be physically unfaithful to your partner. It depends on the arrangement between partner, but mostly you are not allowed to do what couples would normally do in dating circumstances, like watching romantic movies or candle-lit dinners together. You are only allowed to have sex anonymously with someone alone or threesomes with your partner.

Apart from the STD factors, I personally feel that "emotional fidelity" is just a pathetic excuse for both parties to buy some time before they find another guy to move on to. They are just too comfortable in the relationship that being single is such a torture, and in the end, opt for an open relationship. Yet some idealistic people might succumb to this option, when this is the last viable path to salvage what-would-have-been a broken relationship - when one love is greater than the other.

From the Girlfriend's point of view:

I'm an old-fashioned girl. I believe monogamy should be part of what keeps a relationship together.

But on the other hand, I also understand that people have needs. I just don't condone it when those needs are put into the category of 'I'm a man so I have to cheat' or ' He didn't give me what I wanted so I cheated'.

Open relationships have never really made sense to me. You're in a relationship with someone you love, and yet you have the opportunity to step out and sleep with random (or not so random) people every now and again...but I'm beginning to kind of understand.

But what if you both agree to have sex outside of the relationship? What if your partner agrees to you having sex with someone while they watch? Is that healthy?

Here's a quote by Will Smith who apparently confirmed being in an 'open marriage' with wife Jada Pinkett:

“Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people.” he says.

“And if it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now, I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it’…In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others’. We said ‘you will never hear I did something after wards’. Because if that happens the relationship is destroyed.”

I believe that couples shouldn't step outside of the relationship and cheat. One has to be in a secure, honest relationship where you can both talk about wanting to have sex with others yet, staying true to each other. If you find yourself wanting to have sex with outside of your relationship for the wrong reasons i.e. because you're tired of your partner or you're just bored, then communicate this to them and spare each other the pretense.

Instead, let your partner know what your fantasies are and act on them together as a couple. Now I don't know if this truly works but I'd like to think that it helps.

That's all I'm saying...